Pink Concerts for Kids

IN AN UNUSUAL CASE, NEW JERSEY JUDGE RULES THAT AN ALLEGED PROFANITY- LACED PINK CONCERT WAS APPROPRIATE FOR AN 11-YEAR-OLD GIRL. I WROTE AN OP-ED IN RESPONSE.

Based on a recent court case, below is an excerpt of an op-ed I wrote for the Courier-Post and The Daily Journal. It is a satire. The case involved a rock concert by the singer Pink, and an 11-year-old girl. You can read the full piece here.


It’s outrageous how far behind the times some guys are. An Ocean County dad actually went to court to stop his ex-wife from bringing their 11-year-old daughter to a Pink concert. The records of the case are confidential. I’ll call the girl “Alice.”

Pink, for those who don’t follow the news, is a popular singer. She performs in the style of Madonna and Lady Gaga, though a little less subdued. But Pink is even more of an environmentalist than those stars. For example, the costume Pink wore during the finale of the concert in question had a low carbon footprint. It resembled a string bikini made with very little string. Pink has earned as much as $44 million a year.

Alice’s dad is a climate change denier. He doesn’t like Pink’s enviro-friendly costumes. Nor does this parental philistine appreciate the singer’s profound music.

The dad Nazi didn’t want Alice to hear songs titled “Just like a Pill,” “U + Ur Hand,” “F—in’ Perfect” and “Slut Like You.” (AARP member alert: “F—in’ Perfect” is just kid slang for “flunking perfect,” as in “I’m flunking perfect number theory in math class.” Pretty impressive, eh? Bet none of you pensioners ever heard Frank Sinatra sing about a Euclidian theorem. I can’t wait until Pink starts crooning about differential calculus.)

New Jersey Superior Court Judge Lawrence R. Jones ruled in favor of Alice’s mom. He held that not only was it legal for mom to take Alice to the concert, it was in the child’s best interests…


You can read the rest of the piece here.

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